When being too chilled about exams backfires
In the months and weeks leading up to May’s exams I was surprisingly laid back and chilled. It’ll be fine, I thought. When friends on my course went on about how nervous they were and how much they hated exams, I was the first to brag about how relaxed I felt. It’ll be fine. I studied hard like everyone else and memorised names, dates, events, rules and other generally boring information that kills brain cells as well as your social life. I was comfortable with the curricular and knew I’d studied well throughout the year. It’ll be fine, I thought.
It was not fucking fine.
When I sat down for my first exam I was suddenly hit by the fact that I actually have to do this. I have to sit by this computer for two hours, pound as quickly as I can on the keyboard and somehow churn out intellectual sentences and arguments.
And just like that my “chilled and relaxed” attitude was replaced by panic, anxiety and a strong impulse to grab my bag and run out of the room screaming: “I quit!” My sub consciousness had wickedly suppressed all sense of nervousness until the final five minutes before the exam when it decided to release it as a way of saying: “Oh yeah, I forgot you are supposed to have all these feelings. Well here they are. You’re welcome. Oh, and good luck.” Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.
Anyways, I forced myself to take a deep breath: “Get it together, stupid. You’ve paid over £11,000 for this. You better not muck it up.” No pressure.
The first few sentences, or all of them if I’m honest, were painfully hard to squeeze out, but considering that I passed I suppose it must have made some kind of sense.
To compensate for all the weeks I had not felt nervous about the exams, I now felt incredibly nervous about all the others.
Lesson learned: it’s good to be a bit nervous. I’ll make sure to schedule in “start feeling nervous about exams” about one month before next year’s hell/exam period. That way I know I’m fully prepared.
Photo source: http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2011/5/20/1305902870152/Students-sitting-an-exam-007.jpg
