18 days, 1 hour, 42 minutes and 13 seconds. That’s how long it is until the Christmas break begins. I can’t wait. I know people say that all the time, but I literally cannot wait. I want to go home and think about something else than uni for just one minute.
Forget everything I said in my previous post about making this year last forever: I am so tired I feel like I could’ve slept continuously through the whole of next week, scrap that, next month if it hadn’t been for the tiny insignificant detail that I’ve paid a small fortune to be here.
If I’m not working on uni stuff, I’m talking about it (either through sympathetically calming someone down from a close-call breakdown or ranting to my flatmates) and if I’m not talking about it I’m definitely thinking about it. I keep a list of all the things I have to do, just to make sure my brain doesn’t burst from trying to remember everything that’s going on.
A normal conversation between course mates nowadays usually goes something like this:
“How are you?”
“Eeeeeh,” (facial expression reflecting panic attacks hovering just beneath the surface) “I’m OK” (fake smile).
“Mmmmm,” (knowing and conspiratory smile) “I know”.
“It’s just so… so… arh, it’s so –“ (eyes looking off in the distance)
“I know”.
“I feel so…. so–“ (eyes go inward-looking)
“Yup, I know.”
And then we sit there in silence looking despaired.
Projects and deadlines are piling up, and just when you think the workload can’t get any bigger, then it sure does. The light at the end of the tunnel is our 1.5 month long Christmas break. And that we have no exams. Which means we can enter hibernation mode as soon as the clock hits 5pm on December 12 (or 13 for some). Only 17 days, 23 hours, 10 minutes and 4 seconds to go.
We’re now in reading week, which means we’ve been in uni five weeks, which means we’re halfway through our first term, which means we’ve completed 25 per cent of this academic year. Every day is an excruciating step closer to graduation, which means I’m going to have to grow up some time between now and next July. It’s bloody terrifying.
When I started my degree two years ago, graduation was a lifetime away. I had to gather all my strength and courage just to get through the first week, month and year; I wasn’t even thinking about life after City. Now I find myself wanting to slow things down. It’s going too fast. I’m not ready to be an adult yet.
When I started at City it was comforting to know I didn’t have to make a major decision for another three years. I’d spent so much energy on deciding to come to London and making it happen, that I could finally take a deep breath. I could postpone the future for a little while longer. But time is running out. Once again I’m faced with having to make a crucial decision deciding my future life.
Over the last few months I’ve seemed to come to the soothing conclusion of doing a two-year masters degree in Norway. Which means I’ll get to go home and hug trees on a daily basis, which means I’ll be paying £5 for a loaf of bread, and which means I’ll have another two years to decide what I’m going to do with my life. Phew.
In the months and weeks leading up to May’s exams I was surprisingly laid back and chilled. It’ll be fine, I thought. When friends on my course went on about how nervous they were and how much they hated exams, I was the first to brag about how relaxed I felt. It’ll be fine. I studied hard like everyone else and memorised names, dates, events, rules and other generally boring information that kills brain cells as well as your social life. I was comfortable with the curricular and knew I’d studied well throughout the year. It’ll be fine, I thought.
It was not fucking fine.
When I sat down for my first exam I was suddenly hit by the fact that I actually have to do this. I have to sit by this computer for two hours, pound as quickly as I can on the keyboard and somehow churn out intellectual sentences and arguments.
And just like that my “chilled and relaxed” attitude was replaced by panic, anxiety and a strong impulse to grab my bag and run out of the room screaming: “I quit!” My sub consciousness had wickedly suppressed all sense of nervousness until the final five minutes before the exam when it decided to release it as a way of saying: “Oh yeah, I forgot you are supposed to have all these feelings. Well here they are. You’re welcome. Oh, and good luck.” Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.
Anyways, I forced myself to take a deep breath: “Get it together, stupid. You’ve paid over £11,000 for this. You better not muck it up.” No pressure.
The first few sentences, or all of them if I’m honest, were painfully hard to squeeze out, but considering that I passed I suppose it must have made some kind of sense.
To compensate for all the weeks I had not felt nervous about the exams, I now felt incredibly nervous about all the others.
Lesson learned: it’s good to be a bit nervous. I’ll make sure to schedule in “start feeling nervous about exams” about one month before next year’s hell/exam period. That way I know I’m fully prepared.
Exams are over…for the mean time. Thank God. In addition to several others, I spent my time celebrating the end-of-January-exams raving with friends almost everyday for two weeks. With my bank statement arriving in a few days time the only thought going through my mind every night is the morning when I wake up and walk cautiously down the stairs to the post box and drip in sweat whilst I open a letter that reads my bank balance and shout out loud, “AH HELL NO!” But as I am sure it was highly worth it. Now students are eagerly waiting or have received their great results for their exams or courseworks. Best of luck to those still waiting for their exam results. Undoubtedly, the Christmas period was surely one of the busiest times of the year for students as we had to balance exam revision and coursework deadlines with family festivities. Certainly, the same commitments will be reflected in the post spring period in time for EVEN MORE EXAMS. Nonetheless the hard work will most definitely pay off as it will be one great step to our preeminent careers in the future after we graduate from a University epitomising high prestige and honour. However, it is back to waking up early for those dreadful 9 a.m starts although we get to socialise with our friends on a more regular basis during lectures and play ‘Angry Birds’. I did not type that. No lecturers saw that previous line. Also paying less for pints with Saddler’s back open.
Valentines day also just passed and in my personal and most honest opinion, I think it is a waste of time, a day of sheer stupidity, and only retailers benefit. With 365 days available in a year, why do people show their affection for loved ones only on one day? It should be everyday where people shows their beloved one (and if you are a player then it is beloved ONE’S) the highly anticipated affection they should truly receive. Thus the idea behind Valentines should be everyday and not an event in the calendar. I may have sounded cynical but it is what I personally think.
With winter almost drawing its curtains summer is also just round the corner and as I am sure, most people are subscribing themselves gym memberships and exercising into shape to look for that ideal beach body.
Hello! Sorry for not updating my blog posts for a while – this was because of a combination of having a lot of coursework and work to do! If ever you were wondering, I had spent my Christmas break away from London and had celebrated the New Year countdown with my family and inevitably had not done as much work as I had expected.
During the Christmas break I had managed to watch three films: Les Miserables, the Hobbit and The Life of Pi . Firstly, I thought Les Miserables was an ambitious attempt to transform a musical into the film, and I particularly appreciate the effort involved to make it as historically accurate as possible. Though there have been criticism about some of the quality of the actors’ singing as compared to the musical version on stage, I believed that any such deficiencies in their voices is compromised by the quality of the acting. I thought it was an excellent film, and that was clearly shown by the young couples who were sitting in the cinema who were rendered teary-eyed after watching it.
Next, the Hobbit. While I am not wading into the debate of whether the film should be made,what can be said about the film was that it had a noticeably different style compared to The Lord of the Rings. You may think this as odd, but I believe that the film was more light hearted and “funnier” than the Peter Jackson trilogy, of which I had thought to be a much more “serious work”. This perhaps reflect the books themselves, The Lord of the Rings being the main story and an epic 1000 pages long, the Hobbit being a small book of merely 200-300 pages long (how they would make a few films out of that book, I will have no idea). The Hobbit film also looked at different aspects of the Tolkien universe, for instance there was a whole ten minute section which focused on Bilbo Baggins (the main protagonist for those who don’t know about the film in detail, who is sent on a long quest to steal gold which is kept guarded by the dragon Smaug) answering riddles from Gollum. Though there are some that say this was time wasting in the film, I disagree, and it shows Tolkein’s love for the English language and languages in general which is so evident when reading through his novels. Indeed the whole film was peppered with jokes, songs and some humour, I found the film was enjoyable even though I am not a “hardcore” fan of the series. The only problem though, is waiting fervently for the second film!
Lastly, The Life of Pi. I had been reading the book before the film, and was among the doubters in questioning how a film could be made where the main event was about a boy in a boat with a tiger. Alas, I was proven wrong when I came out from the cinema, and I particularly liked the colours and the imagery which is used to create a vivid and enjoyable film (though perhaps it was a bit too long). The religious philosophy and ethics of which is dotted in the book is also represented in the film, but not to such an extent that the film could be seen as “going on” about religion (though it was perhaps not for young children, which I saw were falling asleep halfway through the film). It is a feel-good film which details the young Pi of finding his religious identity, and this film is significant in promoting the values of religion in a world which is becoming more and more secular.
But enough transgressing about films! Generally this term had been rolling by, and had been noticeable with the pace of the lectures increasing and the material that we have to learn getting more and more complex. I find that law is only complex, not because it is intellectual challenging, but the rules and principles that you learn within the entire year all have to be used, including those of which you have learnt way back in September! Most people in our class have realised that we only have 3 more months until we sit our exams, with the result of lectures now having an attendance rate at almost 70-80%. This I compare to lectures in term 1, when I can remember one lecture in which only 40-50 people (out of a class of 200) had managed to attend. I have almost something to do every week, whether it is taking part in external competitions for mooting (which involves representing a client in a hypothetical scenario) to looking and interpeting the case law and trying to extract what principles that the judges in each case trying to say. What I had learnt is that it is simply not humanly possible to learn all the cases in the supplied study material, and what you should do instead is to try and learn the principles of each area of law and then try to learn as many cases as you can which use this principle).
A quick note – at the time of writing, it is Valentine’s Day so I like to wish a happy Valentine’s Day to you all! It can’t be said that romance in London is dead – I had seen in the Tube many commuters holding roses for their proposed loved ones. I also wish those a happy Lunar New Year, and a happy Year of the Snake. For Chinese New Year, I did bear the cold and freezing conditions to enjoy some nice food in a restaurant in Chinatown.
Living in halls of residence is overrated, overpriced, and too bloody loud. If I’d gotten a pound every time I was kept awake in the night because of some ridiculous drunken person feeling the need to share his feelings with the rest of London by screaming out of his window I’d be a millionaire. I’m not kidding. I’d be swamped in cash. Probably could’ve bought my own unicorn.
£170 a week for a room (read: cupboard) smaller than our garden shed at home. £170 for a window that would only open 8in in case you should have any “crazy ideas” (although, I have to confess, the lock on my window was broken. I “accidentally” put the lock on every time they had an inspection and “forgot” to ask them to fix it. Call me crazy: it was my way of getting back on them for financially ruining me). £170 for a mattress with springs stabbing your back every night. I might as well have flushed £170 down the toilet every week.
The thing is though, with the real estate market in London being as insane as it is, and, the fact that many students coming to City aren’t from the city, staying in halls during the first year is the most convenient choice. I surely couldn’t spare the money, time or energy to fly over to London in a desperate attempt to find a place on my own before starting uni.
The funny thing is that when I stayed in halls last year I somehow managed to trick my brain into believing that “it wasn’t that bad”. Probably as a survival strategy so I wouldn’t break down sobbing uncontrollably over the money I’d wasted.
But honestly, it wasn’t that bad. It’s a great way to make friends when starting off with a clean slate, and it’s quite nice that every party is only a few feet away. I first realised how much better private accommodation was when I’d kissed my cell in halls goodbye. It was alright when it lasted, but one year was enough. Although it does feel eerily quiet falling asleep without the reassuring sound of drunk people in the background. I think I’ll manage though.
This year I live in a flat in Hoxton: a 15-minute walk from uni, £150 a week and I can actually move freely in my room without either bumping into my desk, bed or closet. Incredibly liberating. And the best part? It kind of feels like home. Not like a sterile asylum for mad people.
”How is the second year? Is it easier?” Her face is hopeful, almost pleading.
”Compared with the second year, the first year was nothing.” As soon as I finish the sentence I regret saying it. I see the same sense of dread, panic and anxiety I used to carry around as a first year settle into the fresher’s face.
How do you tell a first year that the majority of the work is still to come without freaking them out? “The second year is a lot more work, more projects, more assignments, more hours, less sleep. But in a good way”? Doesn’t sound very convincing. If someone had told me the same thing when I was a fresher I would’ve thought: “Yeah right, what do you know about life? I’m doomed.”
The first year of uni is like stepping onto a treadmill and realising too late that it’s put to 15km/h. You stumble forwards, struggling to stay upright. Some, unfortunately, lose their footing, and drop out. But usually, if you try hard enough, you’ll get up to speed. And when you do it’s like you’ve conquered the world.
This however, is a bit hard to communicate without being looked at as a crazy person. Sometimes it might be better to just let them figure it out on their own. The only thing I can think of to say is: it gets better; stop fretting, and get conquering.
