An interview with author and podcaster Francesca Specter
When Francesca Specter (Magazine Journalism, 2014) found herself single and living on her own, she decided to deep dive into the many aspects of spending time alone. The work paid off and in addition to enjoying her alone-time and practicing better self-care, Francesca has created the concept of “Alonement”, the Alonement podcast, and the already successful book Alonement – How to be alone and absolutely own it.
“It sounds pretty strange right now, given what I do as a career, but I used to be one of those people that hated spending any time alone. Even an hour by myself without my phone, or whatever, I’d find completely unbearable,” Francesca Specter says.
“I got into a situation where I couldn’t avoid time alone because I was living on my own for the first time in my life. And then I went through a breakup at a time when all my friends were in relationships. It was like the universe conspired to give me a big dose of alone time. And I realised at the same time that everything I was doing to avoid alone time was actually quite unhealthy.”
In January 2019, Francesca, a natural extrovert, decided to set herself a personal goal to learn how to spend time on her own in a healthier way.
“I had a hunch that it might be good for me,” Francesca says. “So, I started doing it in a sort of low-level way; I started journaling, I started designating a few weekdays, and a day at the weekends, to be by myself. And the more I did it, the more I realised it was actually very fulfilling. I started questioning why no one had ever sold it to me as such? I also realised there was a gap in the English language to describe what I was going through and to promote it to others, so I created my own word “alonement” to describe when time alone is the opposite of lonely and actually really positive.”
As Francesca became increasingly passionate about the subject, she knew she wanted to write a book about it and also create a larger platform that both informs and celebrates those who want to explore more positive time with themselves.
“I don’t want Alonement just to be a personal journey, I want it to be a bigger thing because no one else is shouting about it. And I want to be the person that does that.”
Before pitching her book to agents and publishers, Francesca set up a website and successfully launched the Alonement podcast featuring well-known guests. She knew if she wanted to get an agent and reach a larger audience; people in relationships, people with children, people of any age, and in any life stage, she needed Alonement to become a long-lasting concept.
Francesca credits her Magazine Journalism course at City for making her think beyond the book she wanted to write.
“One of my favourite modules at City was a module called the business of journalism. It encouraged us to effectively think about the business of something alongside the creative output.”
At City, she also learned the craft of writing magazine features which influenced her way of writing Alonement – How to be alone and absolutely own it. These skills include interviewing experts, distilling complicated information into a feature format, interviewing case studies, and being able to talk to just about anyone.
“There is a lot of interweaving, you know. The basic structure is quite often a personal introduction, followed by more of a deep delve into expert studies. It’s like a collage of different mediums and inspirations.”
Francesca describes her book as a blend of genres including memoir, personal development, and cultural commentary.
But why do many of us struggle with being on our own?
“I think there’s no one reason, but there are some very compelling, bigger reasons. One of them is the fact that some of the biggest companies in the world right now are tech companies that are dedicated to creating these all singing, all dancing distraction machines that we keep in our pockets, and we do our work on, and they sell our attention to advertisers effectively. It’s taking it away from us. And that’s very convenient for us because it gets us away from our deepest, darkest thoughts. We’re losing the capacity to do what might be uncomfortable, but also very necessary for a healthy, regulated state of mind, which is process our thoughts and be in our own heads.”
Our heavily couple-centric culture also makes it harder to feel comfortable and confident solo.
“If you walk around the park, you know, benches are generally set out for two people. You walk into a restaurant and tables are set out in multiples of two. Everything around us is telling us that doing things alone, in public at least, isn’t a valid way to be,” Francesca says. “The more we see these sorts of scenes, these structures within society telling us it’s not balanced to be alone, the more we internalise it and the more we feel less compelled to do it.”
How do we then get better at spending time alone?
“I think that you effectively have to develop something called solitude skills,” Francesca says. “Things like learning to deal with your own thoughts, having some sort of practice like journaling or meditation, which helps you get to grips with that. And making solitudes dates with yourself, planning in quality time like you would with a partner and giving that time alone the same value.”
According to Francesca, creating rituals for ourselves helps us reinforce our practices and the enjoyment of our time alone. She stresses that what we do alone doesn’t have to be something terribly lofty, just something we enjoy.
“My absolute favourite time of day to be with myself is cooking, and I love cooking big elaborate meals for one. Because I think when you cook a big meal for yourself you are owning it, you know, you are saying I am enough to make this ridiculously elaborate thing for just yourself. It’s self-reinforcing. It reinforces to yourself that you matter.”
A big thank you to Francesca Specter for talking to us about her new book: Alonement – How to be alone and absolutely own it! You can find more information about the book, podcast, and other work on her website.
Credit: Wil Coban
Credit: Emily Ember